The guest list

In her book Weddings, Emily Post reminds something to pay attention of the guest list:
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A guest list consists of a magical number of family and friends that 1) suits the size of your ceremony and reception sites, 2) corresponds with the level of intimacy desired for the wedding, and 3) can be accommodated within your wedding budget (an important reality). Traditionally, each family is allotted half of the desired total guest count, a figure largely determined by the person hosting the wedding. A way of starting to decide whom to invite is to combine four lists, thus formulating the master list. Start with lists from the bride, the groom, the bride's parents, and the groom's parents. It is necessary that everyone make up their lists realistically. As acceptances and regrets become known, the "weights" of the lists may vary.

Some decisions that may affect your numbers: Do you plan to include children? To invite single friends to bring guests? Neither inclusion is necessary, but both necessitate "proper etiquette," meaning consideration and sensitivity. If children are not invited, the proper way to communicate this is to write only the parents' names on the outer and inner envelopes. It is inappropriate to write "No Children" on the invitations. For the guest of a single friend, send a separate invitation to the guest, unless he or she lives at the same address.

Use all of the considerations just noted to arrive at a reasonable estimate. Then ask each half (or one-quarter) to compile a rough list of "must-have" guests, supplemented by "hopefuls" to be invited if there should be room. Remember to include in your count the officiant and his or her spouse, yourselves, both sets of parents, and your wedding party.

Cutting down an overambitious guest list is a difficult task requiring great tact, diplomacy, and even-handedness. If you know that distance will prevent certain people from attending, factor this in. To trim the guest list, try to redraw your lines equilaterally, bumping entire groupings of people--second cousins, work associates with whom you've never socialized, friends from the health club--to a "B" List. These people can be invited four weeks before the wedding if guests on the "A" List send regrets. Your list may read something like this:

• First Tier: immediate families (parents, siblings, grandparents, the couple's own children)
• Second Tier: extended family members (aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews)
• Third Tier: family friends (parents' close friends, long-time friends and neighbors, childhood friends and their parents, if close to you)
• Fourth Tier: parents' colleagues (associates, employers, employees)

This guide should be based upon what makes sense in your case. Any planning, of course, must be adapted to your particular circumstances. If you and your intended are established professionally, perhaps marrying for a second or third time, you will probably be paying for all or most of the wedding yourselves. Perhaps your wedding will take place far from your hometown or where your parents live. Under any of these circumstances, it could make sense to switch tiers three and four, as defined above.
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